'I'm Being Bullied By A Seagull': Reddit User Thinks She Accidentally Got A Seagull Addicted To Nicotine, Asks If She Should Stop Smoking To Save It (Viral Thread)

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

let's start by being honest, okay? Seagulls are jerks. Seagulls steal your food right out of your hands as if it belongs to them. Seagulls demand food as if you're supposed to serve them. They are jerks, they always have been, that will never change. With that said, we, crazy animal people that we are, still think that they're adorable. We can't help it. We think that all animals are adorable, that's our motto, our mantra, and nothing will change that. Even seagulls who are absolutely hilarious and adorable and also jerks. 

No matter how annoying they might be, we are still concerned for their well-being. So, we cannot blame the woman in this thread for considering the kind of drastic measures that she did once she found out that… she might have accidentally got a seagull addicted to nicotine. But hey… quitting smoking as a result of this might not be the worst thing that ever happened.  

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/ingracioth Stupid but I have a problem with a seagull at work
    via u/ingracioth

    First of all, let us just start by saying that there is nothing "stupid" about this thread. There are a lot of weird things and unforgettable things and hilarious things, but they are not, in fact, stupid things. Because we would have reacted in the same way to this conundrum, so we refuse to think of this reaction as anything other than completely valid. 

  • 02
    Font - I'm a line cook. I go smoke by the dumpsters a few times a day. We get seagulls in our parking lot- it's a well known restaurant, it's busy, and tourists are sloppy with their fries. I also suspect the tourists are feeding the seagulls bc it's "cute" even though it's very against the rules. Regardless, the gulls do not fear man or god. They are used to people.
    via u/ingracioth

    The sentence "the gulls do not fear man or god" is one that we are going to co-opt, we're letting you know now. It applies to all seagulls, not just these ones. The gulls do not fear man or god, but man and god fear them. 

  • 03
    Font - A few weeks back, one of the gulls swooped down and took my cig. I think he thought it was a French fry. I giggled, and went about my day. However, it's happened a few times since. I know it's the same guy because he has a dark spot on his chest. I call him The Pestilence.
    via u/ingracioth
  • 04
    Font - I'm concerned he is now addicted to nicotine. He's by the dumpsters at the same time as my breaks, every single day. This is obviously not good for him, and I'm getting mad about him bumming off me because smoking is expensive. Do I try to quit smoking? I'll make noise and try to appear large to scare him off, but The Pestilence is hip to my tricks. Have work crack down on tourists feeding the gulls? What do I do? Are there sonar weapons, such as a dog whistle type of thing, that I could
    via u/ingracioth
  • 05
    Font - Sorry this is f cking stupid. I'm being bullied by a seagull. He also stole a $10 bill from my coworker. It's very rural, so we don't have animal rescues and animal control just laughed when we called. Any advice welcome, and yes, I am serious. He sucks but I care about wildlife and he's probably too young to be smoking
    via u/ingracioth
  • 06
    Font - Update: dying that this blew up. The Pestilence was off today due to rain, but I am going to get photos and/or videos of our gulls for y'all- I'm off a freakish amount next week, but I will try when I am in. thank y'all for the advice, and for the laughs - I've been a bit down lately and it's much appreciated. Thanks for the awards, but
    via u/ingracioth
  • 07
    Font - much appreciated. Thanks for the awards, but please donate to rural animal rescues instead- we clearly need it, their DARE programs obviously sucks. And do also donate to a women's shelter if you assumed I'm a man- I'm just a mess of a woman, it's easy to get those confused. And also, yes, I am a writer, and am about to try to publish a chapbook (that's a different advice post I still gotta make tho).
    via u/ingracioth
  • 08
    Font - Once again, thank y'all - I will tell The Pestilence he has fans, but, again, he's a terrible listener and can't understand my accent. Have a great night, and pray for me even though we all know God is laughing at my misfortune.
    via u/ingracioth
  • 09
    Font - Emotional-Ad9089 · 4 mo. ago Lolll sorry but this story made my day 461 Reply Share Gary McPancakes 4 mo. ago The title alone is hilarious 100 Reply Share
    via u/Emotional-Ad9089, u/Gary_McPancakes
  • 10
    Font - antiromance - 4 mo. ago Have you tried couples therapy? Reply Share 454
    via u/antiromance
  • 11
    Font - bleudragn 4 mo. ago I say quit smoking and get that seagull back on fries and off of cigs too. Maybe you can be quit buddies. It's so nice that you care. Reply Share 420
    via u/bleudragn
  • 12
    Font - aamfbta 4 mo. ago Master Advice Giver [35] Getting him with a super soaker or nerf gun might help? But you need to check bylaws in your area because in some (like mine), Seagulls are protected and you are not permitted to f ck with them in the least, so make sure you check things out before you take my advice. It won't hurt them but it should probably make them think twice about harrying you.
    via u/aamfbta
  • 13
    Font - jonnywarpspeed . 4 mo. ago Helper [2] I think you should quit smoking. For the birds sake 149 Reply Share
    via u/jonnywarpspeed
  • 14
    Font - 2110daisy 4 mo. ago Helper [2] I'm so sorry....I get that this is a very real issue for you, and I do feel for you, but you must admit it's extremely comical that you got a seagull addicted to cigs. Straight out of a cartoon. I don't have any advice for you but I hope this post blows up for the lols and then somebody gives you good advice. 139 Reply Share
    via u/2110daisy
  • 15
    Font - ingracioth OP 3 mo. ago I should ask for a raise 45 Reply Share
    via u/ingracioth
  • 16
    Font - Malia87- 4 mo. ago Expert Advice Giver [13] This is hilarious. I'm an ex smoker (and current vaper, because, nicotine) so I guess maybe buy some disposable vapes for work? Or just, I dunno. Let the sky rat have his fix? Reply Share 37
    via u/Malia87
  • 17
    Font - ingracioth OP · 3 mo. ago oh I vape as well. the pestilence knows it's war if he takes my vape. we have an understanding with that one. 421 Reply Share
    via u/ingracioth

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hilarious wtf birds lol addiction ridiculous silly smoking Reddit seagull funny animals
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